So I think back to when I was a kid. I grew up in Ohio and going to the pool every summer....and when I say going, I mean living. We were there like, every day. We would go early in the morning, late at night, all afternoon. It's amazing that my blond hair isn't green.
This is going somewhere.
We used to play this game with my mom where she would throw a quarter and we would have to go find it on the bottom of the pool. My sisters and I would scramble, bobbing in and out of the water to try and find this quarter. My lungs would be almost bursting from lack of oxygen from popping up quickly, taking a deep breath and going back under.
That is precisely how I feel at this very moment.
This entry is my gasp for oxygen before going back underwater....the water metaphorically being school, volleyball and staying caught up at home. Not even sleep is a reprieve from my schedule...I end up dreaming about being at volleyball or walking the halls of school, looking for a copier that works. I wake up amazed that my alarm is going off and wonder what day it is. My time online to just screw around and relax has dropped to almost nill, I don't come home in time enough to truly spend time with my husband (who has been amazingly fantastic through my oxygen-deprived days) and I feel disconnected. I don't really have a social group that I hang out with on a regular basis....which is a while other issue we can explore later....so my time online is the way that I feel I can connect to people.
It's very frustrating. I don't even really have time to call people anymore....my family is currently just as busy as I am, my best friend from college doesn't even speak to me anymore (for reasons still unknown...so I have placed him in the asshole category) and my other close friend from college is currently just as..and actually more busy than I am....juggling a PhD program and a child....and dog....etc. Not that I fault these people at all....I am also so freaking busy, to find a moment to talk would be a blessing.....
I just want to find the balance in my life that I know existed. I have too many other things on my mind at the moment to be this busy....there has to be a way.....
