Sunday, May 12, 2013
The real deal
Been awhile...
My brain tends to write journal entries as my day evolves but I rarely find the time. With the summer right around the corner, I am trying to start structuring my day with time for me. It is more the suggestion of my counselor.
Counselor.
I am back in an office. Life has been a little trying lately and I knew myself enough to call a counseling office and make an appointment. I've been going for a few months now and we are still in the early stages of getting to know 'me' but she immediately noticed that I spend a lot of time worrying about and caring about others and have a hard time finding time to spend with me. I tried to tell her that I felt selfish but she waved me off and now it is part of my 'homework'.
I've gone over and over in my head how to create a blog that serves a purpose to me. I have worried about pissing people off, putting too much out there and at this point, I could really care less. For the last 6 months or so, I have felt like I am standing next to a high cliff....and I keep trying to find things to keep myself from throwing myself off it...meds, counselor, throwing myself into work.... And now this. I'm just going to be real from here on out.
My husband and I found out last year...around this time, that the reason we weren't getting pregnant was because we both had issues. Basically my ovaries have ADHD and quit in the middle of making an egg to just start making another one...which caused a whole slew of issues, including weight gain, lack of ovulation and surprise - infertility. My husband also had some issues causing low sperm count. We've spent a bit of money on an operation for him and meds for me. We tried an IU around November with no success. We were gearing up to try again...then hubby's stepfather died quite suddenly after the holidays. We are still dealing with the family issues that follow him failing to preparing a will that matches what he said he wanted for his sons....with suspicious signatures on the will by his wife at the time. We also went through him interviewing and getting a new position at work, me getting a part-time training position at an educational company and now his grandmother is getting ready to pass away. This is where I also mention that hubby and I are both teachers currently trying to get through end of the years tests.
Sounds like we don't need kids huh.
Dd I mention both of my young sisters are pregnant...?
Let me just say that this last sentence is the one that has placed me in a perilous situation with my family. Everyone seems sworn to secrecy to not mention any 'infertility' or baby stuff in front of me....which is hard when you are watching your parents play with the first grandchild...and tell the pregnant daughter how glad they are to both see her eating a lot because she is eating for two.
That would have been the dinner that I left at the ending of to go cry in my room for a half hour.
I spent the rest of that weekend numb. Literally numb. It was if I had checked out of my brain. I wordlessly got through the rest of the weekend....baby shower and all and was the gracious sister that I should be.
Please understand that I cannot stress how important my family is to me. I love my family....especially my sisters. We all had an extremely happy and wonderful childhood. I am an introvert so friends don't come easily...this makes my mom and sisters my first phone call whenever anything happens. They are my support system to the core and I love them so much....which makes all of this so hard. I am in a horrible position of trying to protest myself emotionally but be there for my family. They understand that this is 'hard'....that they can't imagine what I'm going through. But deep down they have no idea what it's like...what it's like to stare at pregnancy test after pregnancy test coming back negative, ironically something everyone prays for while young but dread when they are actually trying to get knocked up. What it's like to collapse on the living room floor feeling like the biggest failure in the world because you can't just seem to do what others experience by 'accident'. What it feels like to take prenatal vitamins for two years for no reason. What it feels like to avoid friends with babies, avoid that section in any store...or dare to hope that it may happen one day. I can't risk that hope.
I have school work to do. I can't do it with tears in my eyes.
Next time...
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
12:34
I know it's been awhile since I have updated....so a quick rundown of the past few months...
School year ended well. I had one major issue....as was mentioned in my previous entry, our 'team' does not work together and it is incredibly frustrating. This all came to a head when it was apparent that I didn't get the memo that all students need to be passed regardless of ability and work ethic. I am accustomed to assigning failing grades to a large number of student every year because they stubbornly refuse to do work....no matter how many times I speak to parents, administrators, etc. SO....the school MADE me create a packet that was supposed to replace all that missing work so that I could prove to someone...I don't know who....that I had done all I needed to help them 'succeed' for the year. I fought this tooth and nail but still ended up having to do it....I was disgusted with myself and the system for a good few weeks and it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. As much as I hate to say this though, only like 6 kids did the HUGE packet that I created and for most of them, it still made NO difference whatsoever and they still failed for the year. This may sound harsh coming from a teacher but you have to believe me when I tell you that I worked my BUTT off trying to get work from these kids....but they just truly believed that they would not fail.
Sorry....learn your lesson now in middle school and don't wait until you get to high school.
I'll leave out all the parts where I was the only teacher with the majority of these kids failing because other teachers changed/faked grades to avoid what I dealt with at the end of the year.
Yup - public education. Thanks 'No Child Left Behind'. Thanks.
Anyways....we opened our pool and have pretty much spent the last week or so sleeping in, floating around getting sunburnt and tipsy, and getting caught up on our favorite shows on Netflix.
The reason for this entry stems from the last entry - the infamous time that seems to catch my eye so often. 12:34
This particular time happened to be in the AM instead of in the middle of the day. I was on (and still am, thank you AmtrakConnect) the 66 Northeast Regional Train to Boston....finally. My husband and I decided to go to Maine for a 'Big Trip' this summer since we aren't working. After spending countless hours planning the trip - hotels, rental cars, etc, we finally arrived at the station to catch our train. Yet....fate had another plan in store for us. Thanks to a very recent and dangerous storm that had moved through the area, the train station had NO power and a freight train was blocking the station because it couldn't go anywhere thanks to a huge tree that had fallen on the tracks and was currently being cleared.
Shit.
Of course, my husband HATES it when plans he makes don't work out so we sat on a bench in the station for 2 hours, working on our patience skills. They finally decided to put us on a bus to Washington DC where we could catch our next train (hopefully) and thanks to it being freaking 7:30 at night, there was barely any traffic so we actually made it there in time to catch our train, which ended up being delayed anyways. By the time we got comfortable and settled, my hubby had passed out (that man can sleep ANYWHERE) and I was left sitting in the semi-dark watching the lights of DC and then Baltimore cruise past us.
My phone, right before it died, said 12:34.
What will the rest of the trip have in store for us? I am hoping a shower at this point because it's now 7:30 AM and I might (MIGHT) have gotten 2 hours of sleep. Maybe. Hubby slept the whole way....so he better not be in a bad mood. And we still have to make it to Portland....we have to transfer trains in Boston, which I am thinking is going to be a stressful adventure since we have to go across town (does anyone want to explain this to me?) and grab a cab....hopefully.
It was pretty 'waking up' to the inlets of Connecticut though.
Train is stopping....let's see what's going on....
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
12:34
This time has always stuck out to me....for some reason, and I'm sure it feels more like a coincidence than it actually is, I feel like I look at the clock at this particular time more than others. I'm sure it just sticks out in my mind somehow but it's always intrigued me. I've always thought it would be a good journal/book/coffee table book.
That's my idea....and the key to my retirement....don't steal it.
So Monday - this was the last time I saw this particular time. It was in my car....I had just walked out of Chipotle and was returning to school. We had a work day (an amazing waste of time) and were able to go out for lunch....which I took immediate advantage of. I sat in my car for a moment to watch the 4 switch to a 5 and took note of the incredible frustration I was feeling.
The 'professional development' that was chosen to be covered that morning was on the topic of the 'achievement gap' between white students and students of color. After an intro, which included the term 'the white phenomenon' when describing how white students are treated differently....we had a discussion on why we think the achievement gap is present in our particular district....half of which is in the east side of town, has rougher schools and more 'students of color' (their term...not mine) and does not do as well (scores-wise) as the west side, which is more upper class and has less 'students of color'. After many fun comments from the staff...and arguments back and forth about the students we serve.....we broke into 'teams' and discussed changes we would like to see in our students.
Let me throw out the word team and replace it with 'teachers that happen to teach in the same hallway I do'....because we are NOT a team. We do share a certain number of students....but that it pretty much it. I have a friendship with my English teacher, because she started this year like I did and thinks everyone is as crazy as I do, but really no one else. We all teach VERY differently...and I feel like everyone deems this a reason to not work together as a collective team.
This is very frustrating to me....especially since I have a few team members that choose what rules they have the kids follow and what rules they don't...which makes my life a living hell sometimes because I become the bitchy teacher who always says no. And I'm sure they don't enjoy me breaking up their lovely party.
So I'm trying to start a few of these conversations...and three teachers promptly got up (in the middle of me trying to talk) and left for lunch. EARLY.
AGH. Working with adults sometimes SUCKS.
It made my 12:34 moment stand out.
This frustration mounts on top of everything else that has happened in the last month. My husband and I made a list of why 2012 sucks so far.
- speeding ticket
- husband's truck...engine light keeps going on
- my windshield is cracked...and now has another impressive ding in it thanks to a dump truck on 95
- our heat broke....cost $100 to fix...plus the additional money in electricity
- all the drama with the dog, which still included weekly vet visits
- microwave committed suicide this past weekend...more money down the drain....
- dentist proclaimed that I need 2 more crowns put on
- my school computer committed suicide...and I lost all my grades
So far do good huh? I'm saying a lot of prayers that February is better....
That's my idea....and the key to my retirement....don't steal it.
So Monday - this was the last time I saw this particular time. It was in my car....I had just walked out of Chipotle and was returning to school. We had a work day (an amazing waste of time) and were able to go out for lunch....which I took immediate advantage of. I sat in my car for a moment to watch the 4 switch to a 5 and took note of the incredible frustration I was feeling.
The 'professional development' that was chosen to be covered that morning was on the topic of the 'achievement gap' between white students and students of color. After an intro, which included the term 'the white phenomenon' when describing how white students are treated differently....we had a discussion on why we think the achievement gap is present in our particular district....half of which is in the east side of town, has rougher schools and more 'students of color' (their term...not mine) and does not do as well (scores-wise) as the west side, which is more upper class and has less 'students of color'. After many fun comments from the staff...and arguments back and forth about the students we serve.....we broke into 'teams' and discussed changes we would like to see in our students.
Let me throw out the word team and replace it with 'teachers that happen to teach in the same hallway I do'....because we are NOT a team. We do share a certain number of students....but that it pretty much it. I have a friendship with my English teacher, because she started this year like I did and thinks everyone is as crazy as I do, but really no one else. We all teach VERY differently...and I feel like everyone deems this a reason to not work together as a collective team.
This is very frustrating to me....especially since I have a few team members that choose what rules they have the kids follow and what rules they don't...which makes my life a living hell sometimes because I become the bitchy teacher who always says no. And I'm sure they don't enjoy me breaking up their lovely party.
So I'm trying to start a few of these conversations...and three teachers promptly got up (in the middle of me trying to talk) and left for lunch. EARLY.
AGH. Working with adults sometimes SUCKS.
It made my 12:34 moment stand out.
This frustration mounts on top of everything else that has happened in the last month. My husband and I made a list of why 2012 sucks so far.
- speeding ticket
- husband's truck...engine light keeps going on
- my windshield is cracked...and now has another impressive ding in it thanks to a dump truck on 95
- our heat broke....cost $100 to fix...plus the additional money in electricity
- all the drama with the dog, which still included weekly vet visits
- microwave committed suicide this past weekend...more money down the drain....
- dentist proclaimed that I need 2 more crowns put on
- my school computer committed suicide...and I lost all my grades
So far do good huh? I'm saying a lot of prayers that February is better....
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Rough Start....
The new year began with a jolt of reality...both financially and emotionally.
We traveled for a full 2 weeks for the holidays. A few days before Christmas, we noticed a few spots on our doggie boo's belly. He had been wrestling with my sister's dog a lot so we assumed that they were just bruises. He didn't seem to be hurt when they were touched and he had allergies before on his skin....but he didn't seem to be itching them. I looked a few things up on the internet but saw that terriers had a lot of skin allergies so I just moved on.
When we returned home (finally), we shaved Bo and noticed that he now had splotches all over him....like small freckles all over this skin. That was it....we didn't see any other changes in him....appetite, behavior, anything. Just the same, we agreed to take him to the vet anyways to make sure nothing major was wrong.
We were very lucky that we got him in when we did.
Josh took him to the vet....and the vet was puzzled. She did a very detailed exam....went to speak to another vet and then came back in and said we were going to take some blood. After the blood test came a fecal exam....and then we waited. At this point, we were at the point that we could hear the vets conferring outside the door. After that, the vet came back in and said that we needed to go to the emergency vet facility in Richmond as soon as possible. We asked what was wrong and his bloodwork had come back irregular - he had 6000 platelets....when he was supposed to have over 150,000.
Needless to say, we freaked out. We jumped in the car and drove very quickly to Carytown...where we were immediately seen in a room. They did an additional round of blood tests....and the emergency vet came in. We had already started crying, wondering if we were going to lose the dog that had worked his way into our hearts and lives so quickly. They vet told us that he had to be placed on an extremely strong dose of steroids, antibiotics and needed to stay there at least overnight, if not longer. The steroids would start fighting his immune system, which was apparently killing his platelets...meaning, he could bleed out at any time. She didn't know what was causing it....it was one of 3 things, just a freak one-time incident, a disease passed by a tick (which is what an antibiotics were for) or CANCER. Our dog....our puppy.... we made the choice to leave him there for a few days and sobbed the whole way home.
The next week was hell. We drove up to see him whenever we could....and since he didn't feel sick, he was confused as to why he couldn't come home. 5 days of testing his blood....and there were no changes....at all...he didn't appear to be responding to the treatment, which meant that at some point, financially, we had to make the choice to take him home. It was terrible....being home without him....seeing his toys around, an empty bed....we kept thinking he was home. I started carrying a rosary with me in the car, we asked friends to pray for him....and we continued to cry from not knowing what was going to happen.
On the Saturday after we admitted him (and thousands of dollars later), we decided to bring him home. Luckily, the last blood test he got, there was a light improvement. Since he came home, he's been sleeping a lot, shaking and taking a lot of meds. He's exhausted all the time, has trouble getting on the furniture...and peeing ALL THE TIME.
But he's home. And that's what's important. The last time I took him to the vet, his blood count is back to normal Now we are onto the weaning part of his meds....which means more shaking and peeing..... but he's home.
We're still scared as to what's going to happen....honestly, I feel like things won't be okay until we get to a few weeks from now....when most of his meds are done.
It's been a rough few weeks. Not at all a good start to the new year.
We are really hoping it's going to get better.
We traveled for a full 2 weeks for the holidays. A few days before Christmas, we noticed a few spots on our doggie boo's belly. He had been wrestling with my sister's dog a lot so we assumed that they were just bruises. He didn't seem to be hurt when they were touched and he had allergies before on his skin....but he didn't seem to be itching them. I looked a few things up on the internet but saw that terriers had a lot of skin allergies so I just moved on.
When we returned home (finally), we shaved Bo and noticed that he now had splotches all over him....like small freckles all over this skin. That was it....we didn't see any other changes in him....appetite, behavior, anything. Just the same, we agreed to take him to the vet anyways to make sure nothing major was wrong.
We were very lucky that we got him in when we did.
Josh took him to the vet....and the vet was puzzled. She did a very detailed exam....went to speak to another vet and then came back in and said we were going to take some blood. After the blood test came a fecal exam....and then we waited. At this point, we were at the point that we could hear the vets conferring outside the door. After that, the vet came back in and said that we needed to go to the emergency vet facility in Richmond as soon as possible. We asked what was wrong and his bloodwork had come back irregular - he had 6000 platelets....when he was supposed to have over 150,000.
Needless to say, we freaked out. We jumped in the car and drove very quickly to Carytown...where we were immediately seen in a room. They did an additional round of blood tests....and the emergency vet came in. We had already started crying, wondering if we were going to lose the dog that had worked his way into our hearts and lives so quickly. They vet told us that he had to be placed on an extremely strong dose of steroids, antibiotics and needed to stay there at least overnight, if not longer. The steroids would start fighting his immune system, which was apparently killing his platelets...meaning, he could bleed out at any time. She didn't know what was causing it....it was one of 3 things, just a freak one-time incident, a disease passed by a tick (which is what an antibiotics were for) or CANCER. Our dog....our puppy.... we made the choice to leave him there for a few days and sobbed the whole way home.
The next week was hell. We drove up to see him whenever we could....and since he didn't feel sick, he was confused as to why he couldn't come home. 5 days of testing his blood....and there were no changes....at all...he didn't appear to be responding to the treatment, which meant that at some point, financially, we had to make the choice to take him home. It was terrible....being home without him....seeing his toys around, an empty bed....we kept thinking he was home. I started carrying a rosary with me in the car, we asked friends to pray for him....and we continued to cry from not knowing what was going to happen.
On the Saturday after we admitted him (and thousands of dollars later), we decided to bring him home. Luckily, the last blood test he got, there was a light improvement. Since he came home, he's been sleeping a lot, shaking and taking a lot of meds. He's exhausted all the time, has trouble getting on the furniture...and peeing ALL THE TIME.
But he's home. And that's what's important. The last time I took him to the vet, his blood count is back to normal Now we are onto the weaning part of his meds....which means more shaking and peeing..... but he's home.
We're still scared as to what's going to happen....honestly, I feel like things won't be okay until we get to a few weeks from now....when most of his meds are done.
It's been a rough few weeks. Not at all a good start to the new year.
We are really hoping it's going to get better.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The New Year
I know it's been a long time....I guess I'm having trouble finding time for me....
It has been a busy month. With the end of school in sight for the Winter break, the kids got a little crazy. A few fights and suspensions later, we ESCAPED for the break. I had 2 games of volleyball that evening and then home to pack...for two weeks.
Those of you that may not know, I am NOT a fan of the holidays for one simple reason - travel. Traveling SUCKS and it seems that it is all of what we do at this time of year. While it is wonderful to see family and friends, the process of packing, unpacking, and repacking takes a toll on us. This year was no exception. We drove to Roanoke to visit one sister, spent 2 days. Left, drove to Cincy OH to visit sister #2 for an evening, then drove to Columbus to see my parents. We did also manage to slip in a trip to BGSU, where I was able to see my college roommate and her adorable son (she is getting her phD) as well as visit with an aunt and uncle and their kids on the way back. After a few days to recoup, we left Christmas Day for PA to visit my husband's family...which also entailed driving around since they are divorced. The only time my husband and I spent truly together has been the last 4 days....2 at Seven Springs (his gift from me) and 2 at home....cleaning and getting ready to go back to school.
I am DONE with this whole traveling crap. It was absolutely lovely to see everyone and spend time with family....but this holiday was stressful simply because of all the time spent in the car. I keep telling myself that next year will be different...but it's always the same. I keep thinking that next Christmas, we will have a baby so we will have an excuse NOT to travel...but that is still NOT a reality (and a whole other story altogether).
I am tired. I shouldn't be tired after 2 weeks off from school.
Tomorrow, it all starts again. School, kids, volleyball, taking care of the house....
I am determined this year to STOP looking into the future for things to change. I want to start living NOW. Go to the gym as often as I can, join up in WeightWatchers AGAIN....and make it stick so I can feel good about myself again. Stop looking forward to days off of school and enjoy the fact that I have a job. Stop thinking about when and where we will be moving next....and start enjoying the life we have now. Stop worrying about getting pregnant and just enjoy the silence in my house.
I know this is typical 'January 1st' bull....but it sounds good eh?
Oh....I want to write in this more....lol.....
It has been a busy month. With the end of school in sight for the Winter break, the kids got a little crazy. A few fights and suspensions later, we ESCAPED for the break. I had 2 games of volleyball that evening and then home to pack...for two weeks.
Those of you that may not know, I am NOT a fan of the holidays for one simple reason - travel. Traveling SUCKS and it seems that it is all of what we do at this time of year. While it is wonderful to see family and friends, the process of packing, unpacking, and repacking takes a toll on us. This year was no exception. We drove to Roanoke to visit one sister, spent 2 days. Left, drove to Cincy OH to visit sister #2 for an evening, then drove to Columbus to see my parents. We did also manage to slip in a trip to BGSU, where I was able to see my college roommate and her adorable son (she is getting her phD) as well as visit with an aunt and uncle and their kids on the way back. After a few days to recoup, we left Christmas Day for PA to visit my husband's family...which also entailed driving around since they are divorced. The only time my husband and I spent truly together has been the last 4 days....2 at Seven Springs (his gift from me) and 2 at home....cleaning and getting ready to go back to school.
I am DONE with this whole traveling crap. It was absolutely lovely to see everyone and spend time with family....but this holiday was stressful simply because of all the time spent in the car. I keep telling myself that next year will be different...but it's always the same. I keep thinking that next Christmas, we will have a baby so we will have an excuse NOT to travel...but that is still NOT a reality (and a whole other story altogether).
I am tired. I shouldn't be tired after 2 weeks off from school.
Tomorrow, it all starts again. School, kids, volleyball, taking care of the house....
I am determined this year to STOP looking into the future for things to change. I want to start living NOW. Go to the gym as often as I can, join up in WeightWatchers AGAIN....and make it stick so I can feel good about myself again. Stop looking forward to days off of school and enjoy the fact that I have a job. Stop thinking about when and where we will be moving next....and start enjoying the life we have now. Stop worrying about getting pregnant and just enjoy the silence in my house.
I know this is typical 'January 1st' bull....but it sounds good eh?
Oh....I want to write in this more....lol.....
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The New Year
I know it's been a long time....I guess I'm having trouble finding time for me....
It has been a busy month. With the end of school in sight for the Winter break, the kids got a little crazy. A few fights and suspensions later, we ESCAPED for the break. I had 2 games of volleyball that evening and then home to pack...for two weeks.
Those of you that may not know, I am NOT a fan of the holidays for one simple reason - travel. Traveling SUCKS and it seems that it is all of what we do at this time of year. While it is wonderful to see family and friends, the process of packing, unpacking, and repacking takes a toll on us. This year was no exception. We drove to Roanoke to visit one sister, spent 2 days. Left, drove to Cincy OH to visit sister #2 for an evening, then drove to Columbus to see my parents. We did also manage to slip in a trip to BGSU, where I was able to see my college roommate and her adorable son (she is getting her phD) as well as visit with an aunt and uncle and their kids on the way back. After a few days to recoup, we left Christmas Day for PA to visit my husband's family...which also entailed driving around since they are divorced. The only time my husband and I spent truly together has been the last 4 days....2 at Seven Springs (his gift from me) and 2 at home....cleaning and getting ready to go back to school.
I am DONE with this whole traveling crap. It was absolutely lovely to see everyone and spend time with family....but this holiday was stressful simply because of all the time spent in the car. I keep telling myself that next year will be different...but it's always the same. I keep thinking that next Christmas, we will have a baby so we will have an excuse NOT to travel...but that is still NOT a reality (and a whole other story altogether).
I am tired. I shouldn't be tired after 2 weeks off from school.
Tomorrow, it all starts again. School, kids, volleyball, taking care of the house....
I am determined this year to STOP looking into the future for things to change. I want to start living NOW. Go to the gym as often as I can, join up in WeightWatchers AGAIN....and make it stick so I can feel good about myself again. Stop looking forward to days off of school and enjoy the fact that I have a job. Stop thinking about when and where we will be moving next....and start enjoying the life we have now. Stop worrying about getting pregnant and just enjoy the silence in my house.
I know this is typical 'January 1st' bull....but it sounds good eh?
Oh....I want to write in this more....lol.....
It has been a busy month. With the end of school in sight for the Winter break, the kids got a little crazy. A few fights and suspensions later, we ESCAPED for the break. I had 2 games of volleyball that evening and then home to pack...for two weeks.
Those of you that may not know, I am NOT a fan of the holidays for one simple reason - travel. Traveling SUCKS and it seems that it is all of what we do at this time of year. While it is wonderful to see family and friends, the process of packing, unpacking, and repacking takes a toll on us. This year was no exception. We drove to Roanoke to visit one sister, spent 2 days. Left, drove to Cincy OH to visit sister #2 for an evening, then drove to Columbus to see my parents. We did also manage to slip in a trip to BGSU, where I was able to see my college roommate and her adorable son (she is getting her phD) as well as visit with an aunt and uncle and their kids on the way back. After a few days to recoup, we left Christmas Day for PA to visit my husband's family...which also entailed driving around since they are divorced. The only time my husband and I spent truly together has been the last 4 days....2 at Seven Springs (his gift from me) and 2 at home....cleaning and getting ready to go back to school.
I am DONE with this whole traveling crap. It was absolutely lovely to see everyone and spend time with family....but this holiday was stressful simply because of all the time spent in the car. I keep telling myself that next year will be different...but it's always the same. I keep thinking that next Christmas, we will have a baby so we will have an excuse NOT to travel...but that is still NOT a reality (and a whole other story altogether).
I am tired. I shouldn't be tired after 2 weeks off from school.
Tomorrow, it all starts again. School, kids, volleyball, taking care of the house....
I am determined this year to STOP looking into the future for things to change. I want to start living NOW. Go to the gym as often as I can, join up in WeightWatchers AGAIN....and make it stick so I can feel good about myself again. Stop looking forward to days off of school and enjoy the fact that I have a job. Stop thinking about when and where we will be moving next....and start enjoying the life we have now. Stop worrying about getting pregnant and just enjoy the silence in my house.
I know this is typical 'January 1st' bull....but it sounds good eh?
Oh....I want to write in this more....lol.....
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Marriage....
I've been married for 2 1/2 years. My husband and I met at the middle school that I had been teaching at for 3 years....I kept hearing about this 'hot history teacher' and I kept telling people I was IN A RELATIONSHIP and needed no distractions.
Then I walked into the library and it was all over. Literally, our eyes met across the room and it was 'a moment'. I ended up teasing the crap out of him later, which lead to me handing out my phone number (to let him know when we played volleyball...which he sucked at) and the rest is history.
That was 5 years ago.
Getting married is fun. Gifts, attention, good food, honeymoon.....
Being married - entirely different story.
Being legally and religiously linked to someone does something to people. Well, that and signing an inch thick mortgage agreement.
I went though so many stages....losing who I was, then gaining her back, then wondering how the hell this was ever going to work....now, as is with work, I appear to be finding my niche in my own marriage. There are things that I do and he does. He gets out of school earlier and is closer so he comes home and plays with the dog and usually takes care of dinner. I come home, straighten up and bug him. On weekend, it flips around and he goes out to play in the shed while I putter around the house with the vacuum cleaner. While there are still changes that I would like to see, it seems as if somehow, this is working out. Like the kids at school, he did get under my skin and TRUST ME, he still does from time to time....but somehow it doesn't bother me as badly. There are still some things that I need to get across to him....and he's learning.
But we've got time.....
Right now, he's curled up next to me, buried in blankets and pillows....ear plugs in and the doggie boo nestled at his feet,
It's good :)
Then I walked into the library and it was all over. Literally, our eyes met across the room and it was 'a moment'. I ended up teasing the crap out of him later, which lead to me handing out my phone number (to let him know when we played volleyball...which he sucked at) and the rest is history.
That was 5 years ago.
Getting married is fun. Gifts, attention, good food, honeymoon.....
Being married - entirely different story.
Being legally and religiously linked to someone does something to people. Well, that and signing an inch thick mortgage agreement.
I went though so many stages....losing who I was, then gaining her back, then wondering how the hell this was ever going to work....now, as is with work, I appear to be finding my niche in my own marriage. There are things that I do and he does. He gets out of school earlier and is closer so he comes home and plays with the dog and usually takes care of dinner. I come home, straighten up and bug him. On weekend, it flips around and he goes out to play in the shed while I putter around the house with the vacuum cleaner. While there are still changes that I would like to see, it seems as if somehow, this is working out. Like the kids at school, he did get under my skin and TRUST ME, he still does from time to time....but somehow it doesn't bother me as badly. There are still some things that I need to get across to him....and he's learning.
But we've got time.....
Right now, he's curled up next to me, buried in blankets and pillows....ear plugs in and the doggie boo nestled at his feet,
It's good :)
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