As the hours begin to wane down before returning to a school building, I was reminded today of how important personal time is to a person, especially me.
I am the oldest child in my family ( I almost said was but no, it's still true) and being that, for some reason, I ended up spending a good deal of time by myself as a child. I guess I was a bit of a bully to my next younger sister and when my youngest sister was born, they formed a bond that between the two of them. I don't think it was intentional; it's just when I was getting older and dealing with growing up first and 'breaking down those barriers' (ex. sleepovers, curfews, dating boys, etc), they shared a room and A LOT of time together.
I actually didn't mind it that much. I spent a good many hours reading, listening to music, making tapes, riding my bike to the library, drawing, bossing people around...I don't know how many people actually know this about me but I am actually very shy. I have a terrible time initiating contact with people, I am horrible on the telephone and unless I feel like I have a considerable advantage in whatever the activity is or have been placed in charge, I am usually extremely quiet. I imagine some of the people that read this laughing because I know that's not how I come off a lot of the time....I am very adept at using humor to deflect people picking up on my shyness but ask me to call you back? Go out with you alone...? It's not that I don't think you're awesome and I would love to talk to you - It's just hard for me to place myself in social situations because I feel so uncomfortable and insecure about so many aspects of myself.
Anyways...the moral of the story is that I require personal time in order to function. Seriously. I begin to go crazy if I don't get it and the reason I know that is because when my husband and I began dating, we spent A LOT of time together....this also happened when we first got married. Both of these times, while lovely because I was with a person that I loved, got very difficult as time went on. I got irritable and angry that I wasn't able to spend some time on my own...doing anything - reading , organizing or cleaning something, watching a show that I wanted to watch for a little bit. This has been a difficult thing for my husband to grasp sometimes because I think that to him, time spent apart means that we are fighting...while to me, it is a necessary detail of my life.
This weekend, my husband is out of town with friends. And while I do miss him very much (but I'm sure not as much as the dog), I am reveling in the time I have to myself. I got up late today ( and I got to sleep across the entire bed!), watched a few things on Netflix, took a shower, took the dog for the walk and then headed out with nothing on my schedule except head north and see a movie at some point in the afternoon. I found a Panera, had a long relaxing lunch, half reading my book and half listening to the conversations around me and then went to see 'The Help', which was AMAZING. Please go see that movie - I can only hope that it will affect you as deeply as it did me.
Then I went to Sweet Frog. That was a religious experience that I cannot even describe....so I won't even try.
It was a wonderful day. I feel empowered knowing that I am still a strong enough person to spend an entire day entertained simply by whatever I choose and on my own. This is am important part of who I am as a person. I moved to Virginia alone to begin teaching 7 years ago and that was a very difficult thing to do - creating a whole new life for myself. I feel like when I got married, I lost some of who I was as an individual...which you do....but this part of my personality is important to the well-being of my mind and therefore, my marriage.
So today's take-away lesson....( got to get back in the swing of things) - don't be afraid to spend some time on your own. You can do something cheap, like disappear into your favorite wifi spot for a few hours, or splurge a little and hit up a movie. If you're really brave, go to a restaurant and order a drink or two for yourself. Just be prepared for people to start talking to you...unless you are on your phone or look crazy by talking to yourself ( I have found that both work equally well).
PS: Have you seen 'The Help' yet? Seriously, why are you still here....?
PPS: What do you mean you haven't heard of Sweet Frog. Okay, now this is just sad....
No comments:
Post a Comment